Blessing and Curse

This weekend I posted the Positivity tag over on my youtube channel. I didn’t think much of it when I set the video live Friday night but it had some unintended consequences. You see I had filmed it a while back when I was first filming again after my hiatus. I try to keep a few videos aside at all times that can go anyplace in my ‘schedule’ in case I get behind in filming, or need more of a break because of my health. But after filming that batch, I managed to get lots more filmed so had other videos to fill those slots if the need arose. I try to keep them circulculating (so they are still basically current).

But something I hadn’t thought about while filming, editing, or when I set live was that right now I was in a situation where I was feeling decidedly unpositive about an area of my life I had mentioned a few times in the video: my health. I have been fighting off a gargantuan flare, it’s dragged on weeks. Everytime it looks like I’m turning a corner it seems to have been merely an illusion or maybe a bad prank, whatever way you want to look at it this past bit has been hard. Real hard. Where the chemotherapy, while not fun, didn’t seem un-doable, despite the rollercoater it made my week ofside effects, better health, and then receding health as the end of the ‘chemo week’ approached. But I could feel things improving and it made it easier to tolerate. I was keeping my eyes on the horizon and it made it seem all the more bearable to endure that in the moment.

However as the weeks have been dragging on, where my symptoms seem to barely abate before the next wave of this disease trying to ‘get’ me, my weekly injection has been something I have been dreading more and more. In the throws of all this it’s easy to forget that not that long ago things were looking a lot brighter. That seems to be the thing about bad things (at least in my life), it makes it easy to forget that things were once good. And the longer things tend to drag on the easier it is to feel that.

When the comments started showing up with people saying they were happy I was feeling better I wanted to kick myself. It was probably not what I needed today. The last 48 hours or so have been ridiculous here and it has left me feeling pretty down about the whole situation, very alone, and feeling like I don’t know how I am going to manage this indefinitly. Of course right now I only need to manage it for today, or this week, and then as the week progresses next week, etc. The reminder that I had been feeling so much better felt like a neon sign telling me I was never going to get out of this hole (or what sometimes feels like a hole). But as I started trying to decide how to deal with today, I realized how nice it felt that the comments that were there were people saying they were happy I was doing better, and trying to reinforce the (even small) positives I had mentioned. It’s nice to feel that. So much of this week I felt like just screaming into the abyss, or rather posting on twitter just how crap I felt, how crap this whole situation is. But I knew that would still never give me what I was needing, as there isn’t a number or an amount of sympathy or platitudes that are going to fill the space that my ill health has left in my life. It’s lovely to have people to commiserate with at times but I knew it wasn’t going to help me the way it seems to some and it didn’t seem worth the potential worry to others. But sometimes it’s difficult to not want people to tell you it’s ok that it’s hard and tell you they’re thinking of you. For although it is just words sometimes it makes those tough days a bit easier when you feel like you are a bit less alone in it all.

In my head I know there is a way forward through this. In my head I know I am better off to have the chemo in my life than be without it. It’s just hard when it doesn’t feel that way anymore... at least not at this moment. The weeks the chemo isn’t working well enough are the hardest weeks to do the chemo and yet decidedly the last week I can let up or get distracted when it comes to managing my illness. For anyone who has read this far. Thanks. I hope you are having a great weekend and next week is even better (for all of us)

x

30 years of Ferris Bueller's Day Off

I loved Ferris Bueller’s day off when I was growing up. I didn’t relate to any of the characters at a more personal level but I do think that the sibling relationships, as written from the point of how it feels when you are a teen, was well done and what anchored a movie that otherwise may not have had as much of an impact. For as much as we want to be Ferris I think it is from the sister that we get that as much as anywhere else. We would like to be that golden boy of course, but on a realistic day, we just don’t want to be the one playing by the rules and seeing someone else succeed and thrive while coasting/cheating their way to the top. Everybody knows someone or is related to someone, where that seems to be what happens for them and I think that is the in for making the audience want to be Ferris, his life just seems easier and less complicated than yours. In must be nice to be the piece of bread that keeps landing butter side up no matter how many times it seems to hurl itself at the floor. I think we all crave that as much as the fun that he has that most others would end up getting caught out at.

Ferris is a cacophony of youth. The glorification of the amazing days you have as high school comes to an end, I think the biggest thing the movie missed was that these days come charged with electricity no matter what or who you are and even if you don’t hijak a parade, steal a parents car, scheme your way into a great restaurant (or do amazing travel, have a boyfriend/girlfriend etc.) those days and moments will still happen, still be amazing, shape you whether you intended that to happen or not, and still be just as important when you look back at that time in your life. In many cases the little moments may have shaped you more and be more important to you when you look back on things. I wish the movie captured that better because outside of the museum sequence and the part at the end where they are at that look-out I think it completely misses it, and there it seems to only briefly go to that weird nothingness so full of something that the days are packed with. It captures the nothingness you are so despertly trying to turn into something meaningful or important without the awareness to show it has meaning without the big gestures or events.

It’s a movie about being young for the young and as much as I do love it for that and also for adding to what I expected high school or life to be like, I really doubt it would be one I would sit down and get much out of if I was watching for the first time now. Because you don’t have to talk to many adults to realize best moments are rarely the ones you could have anticipated being so ahead, and even less likely the more you try to force them.

So happy 30^th Anniversary Ferris, (Cameron, and Sloan). I hope life has treated you well.

The Nanny Complete Series

     The Nanny is an American sitcom that ran from 1993 to 1999 for a total of 6 season and 146 episodes. Produced by Fran Drescher and her husband Peter Marc Jacobson as a starring vehicle for Fran the show was a fish out of water story. Fran plays Fran Fine an about to be 30 year old who after breaking up with her fiancé is jobless, living with her parents (the amazing Renee Taylor plays her Mother), and selling cosmetics door to door. After a chance knock on a door in a swish part of New York City and the butler who answered the door mistaking her for the new nanny, she sees a better opportunity and tries to squeeze her way in with a chance, despite Niles (the butler, played by Daniel Davis) quickly realizing she is not the nanny they were expecting she ends up with the position as they are in a somewhat desperate position. British actor, Charles Shaughnessy plays Mr. Sheffield, a distant father who since the death of his wife has not found a way to connect with his kids and further threw himself into his work as a broadway producer. In a loose take of the sound of music Fran plays the Maria role and rides into save the day and the children (Nicholle Tom, Benjamin Salisbury, Madeline Zima) from this beige existence of grief and propriety.

     Over the first series we see the kids open up and really start to bloom and come to life as Fran manages to walk the line between honouring their mother and helping them move on with their life. As a result of the unconventional ways she goes about this we sometimes see conflict arise with Mr.Sheffield who seems to have never encountered someone with such chutzpah before (slightly unbelievable as he does work in theatre but we go with it). The push and pull relationship between them develops early on and a will they/won’t they element becomes a key element of the show. The chemistry between the two is undeniable but the plot and circumstances surrounding the two makes it something you know isn’t going to happen quickly as there are some excellent roadblocks set up around the two of them.

     Mr. Sheffield’s role as a Broadway producer provides excellent chance for gueststars over the course of the series, sweeps week/month was always extra special, and some of whom weren’t often doing tv spots at the time.

 

     The show is easily watched by children (I was young when I first watched) but upon rewatching as a adult there are a lot of jokes and innuendo packed into the episodes that went way over my head at the time (& I couldn’t quite believe when I watched more recently). Definitely layered comedy and something that you can enjoy as a adult while the kids are watching tv. (And I would say enjoy, even if you don’t have kids or just want to watch it on your own). The writing is strong and ahead of it’s time in how it dealt with lgbtq+ portrayals and issues (remember the aids epidemic was ranging when this show started airing), race, religion, and gender issues. They were not being jammed into the episodes willie-nillie but it was a show that lead with love on that front, and took the opportunities presented to reinforce positive stereotypes rather than negative.

     I made a video after the passing of Ann Morgan Guilbert last month talking more aboutsome of the ways the show impacted me, if you are interested you can see what I had to say here.

     Now onto the packaging... This is a Shout Factory release from 2015 and comes a the complete series and a disc of bonus features. Also included is a nice booklet on glossy, much heavier than usual paper, with extra pictures and the episodes and a brief description of each included.

booklet

     As I mentioned in my video, the outer box is the heaviest duty case I have ever seen. This is not going to bend or warp from being picked up or being left on your shelf.

     The seasons are packaged in three standard size DVD cases, each case holding 2 seasons. The discs are on front and back cover as well as interior flip trays. They are not stacked, so are easy to find and take out, an ideal situation for preventing damage to discs. The discs have pictures on them and are multi-coloured and easy to see and read. The season and disc number is written in the same spot across all season in bold writing with a high contrast background. The discs of each season have a different colour prominently featured, making it easier still to identify what season is what and where they belong as the disc colours match they case exterior. Making this a vision impaired friendly set on that front. Closed captioning is also provided for all episodes.

 

discs inside case holding season 1 and 2

     As for bonus features this set has an exclusive to the complete set extra disc with new interviews that tell the behind the scenes story of The Nanny and a Making of The Nanny feature. beyond that, select episodes have commentary provided by Fran and others involved with the show.

bonus disc

     Overall, this is one of my favourite sets. Shout Factory rarely disappoints but this has to one of my favourites from them so far. If you are wanting to revisit The Nanny or have been thinking about thinking about purchasing this set, I would say there is nothing in the packaging to worry about and the series is still a fun, enjoyable watch all these years later.

     What is a show you would like to see a complete set of/ Shout release? I’ve got a few still on my list Coach, Living Single, and Caroline in the City being high on the list. I would love to hear some that you would like to see out soon, so let me know in the comments below.

     Be sure to check out my Youtube channel if you haven’t before. I post new videos every Wednesday and often an extra one at the weekend as well. I’d love it if you’d subscribe and it’s definitely where I am most active.

     I hope you are having a great week!

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